I’m Scared.

I feel the need to tell you that after I created this tumblr (and a twitter account– I went a little tech crazy), I struggled with the urge to wipe my world wide web slate clean and go about my biz of quietly surviving.

It’s just that there is a feeling of exposure and, in turn, feelings of not being safe.

EVEN THOUGH you don’t know who I am and will not know for some time, there is the possibility that I will slip just the right detail. You are intelligent people, you are children birthed from the loins of technology (I will just let that metaphor sink in). What if you live in my town, go to my school or what if your cousin’s best friend’s sister works with me?

I have realized that when you are trying to do something risky, the world sometimes contracts into a smaller sphere of paranoia and self-doubt. And that can feel suffocating in a way that makes you feel incapable of doing the work set out before you.

So… I figure if I’m honest about my desire to run away and hide, it might help me to be braver. And I need bravery to abound.

Because what I have to say is important and if it only ever gets seen by just one person struggling- desperately clicking around on the internet like I have done many times to find someone like me- that is leaps and bounds enough. To know that we are not alone and don’t have to be. To make others aware of some self-evident truths that I have picked up on this journey (so far and to come).

And so if you haven’t figured it out by now, I am not going to delete my blog and I am going to be as forthcoming as possible about all aspects of this complicated process. I hope it will serve a good purpose. And, one day, I hope I will be in a place where my world can expand.

Until then- here goes nothing/everything.

Shalom,

J.

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